no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
