I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
