My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
