Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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