ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
