walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
