I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
