Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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