sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
