Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
