I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
