Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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