Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
