Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
