please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My vagina is officially offended.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
