apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
