dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
