Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
