I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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