They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
