The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
