happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
