life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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