Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
