I wannas sexs uuuuu
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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