you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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