these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
