I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
