I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
