I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize