yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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