Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize