my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
