I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
