I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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