I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
