how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
