im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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