i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
