You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
