i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
