so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
