this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
