Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
