I hate your face
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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