the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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