WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
