i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize