i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
