I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
