Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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