My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
