I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My cat gives me a boner
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
