we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
