Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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