my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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