I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
