I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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