I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
