hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
