I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
