oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
