Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
