Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize