You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
