he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
These tits shall not be calmed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
