I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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