Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
