dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
