OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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